


lost my way (you found me)

by creamyjihoon



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Dancing, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Underage Sex, Self-Harm, mentions of selfharm, seonho and jihoon dont happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:11:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamyjihoon/pseuds/creamyjihoon
Summary: Jihoon wished he could remember a time when he hasn’t felt numb, broken, empty.A time he felt ALIVE.Maybe when he meets Guanlin, he'll feel alive again





	1. Chapter 1

Jihoon wished he could remember a time when he hasn’t felt numb, broken, empty.  
A time he felt ALIVE.  
Maybe he could consider the time that he had won his first dance competition, but all he did was beat himself up for it because he could’ve weighed a little less if he hadn’t eaten like a pig the day before. 

“Hey Jihoon hyung, quit zoning out on me!” seonho pouted and wrapped his arms around jihoon’s shoulders, His hair tickling Jihoon’s neck. 

“Sorry seonho, I was just thinking.” He apologized and rubbed the younger’s back.  
Seonho and Jihoon had been friends for almost 2 years now, meeting in art class when seonho accidentally fell on top of Jihoon when he was trying to dance to NCT Dreams “chewing gum.”

“Anyways, tomorrow my best friend is coming back to Korea! He was living in Taiwan for two years to live with his dad.” seonho smiled while talking about him. 

“Hey! I thought I was your best friend?” Jihoon said while frowning

“You are! You and him are both my best friends! hmm- hyung, are you jealouuuusssss?” Seonho smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“No, shut up. What’s that fuckers name anyways?”

“Oh it’s G-”  
Seonho got cut off mid-sentence when the professor shushed them, since it was supposed to be a quiet study hall. Both boys snapped their heads down and went back to focusing on their work.

 

+

 

As the sound of the bell rang through Jihoon’s ears, he was already bolting to the door. Wanting to get to the dance studio as fast as he could. The ONLY thing that ever brought Jihoon happiness was dance. Whether it was modern, hip hop, or ballet, he just loved to dance. Something about the power that dance holds fascinates Jihoon, he always got goosebumps seeing people dance well. 

“Jihoon, wait for me!” Seonho called out, still scrambling for his books and then running after Jihoon. Seonho had just begun to learn how to dance after many months of Jihoon begging him to start dancing. Jihoon was always telling Seonho that he had the perfect body for it, long thin legs, flexibility, etc. He had it all, so after the 1,000 time Jihoon asked Seonho, he had finally agreed.

Jihoon had to admit that Seonho wasn’t as amazing at dance as he thought he would be, but then again he was doing really great for someone with no experience, and he would only continue to improve. Jihoon switched on the lights of the dance studio, the light blinded him for a moment but his vision cleared. Looking at the mirrors that covered all the walls, the door that lead to the locker room on the only plain white wall in the room. 

Jihoon smiled and set down his bag, taking out his phone to play the song that he had been practicing a new routine for when Seonho had finally arrived.  
“Ready to practice?”  
Seonho nodded his head, and Jihoon had guided Seonho through the moves. 

 

+

 

“Good job today Seonho, you’re really improving.”

“Thanks Hyung, hey! Wanna come over my place?-”

Jihoon glanced at the clock, 8:58pm.

“-You can like shower at my place and borrow some of my clothes to wear if you want and like…” Seonho’s ears turned red, along with his cheeks as he continued,

“And maybe, if you want, you can sleep over too?” He twiddled with his thumbs as they walked out the front door of the school.

“Sure, sounds like fun” Jihoon said, Seonhos face brightening up, smiling widely.

“Great! We can watch movies, and play games, and study together, and-”

But as Seonho went on Jihoon’s mind faded away not even realizing that he was about to bump into someone while walking down the street to Seonho’s apartment. Jihoon rammed face first into some dudes chest. He stumbled backwards, almost falling to the ground. He looked up and saw a tan boy with dark brown hair and sparrow like eyes. He looked terrifying. 

Before Jihoon could apologize, Seonho spoke

“Oh Woojin hyung, what are you doing out this late?”

Jihoon glanced at Seonho, how the fuck did this kid know everyone?

“Walking, who’s this?” The boy, Woojin apparently, had a not so scary voice and a cute little snaggle tooth so that was comforting. Now knowing that maybe he wouldn’t beat the life out of him.

“Oh this is my bestie, Jihoon!” Seonho grabbed Jihoon’s chubby face and squeezed it.

“Ohh, is this the boy you’re always talking ab-”

Seonho grabbed Jihoon’s hand and started pulling him away

“OK BYE WOOJIN GOOD SEEING YOU” Seonho was red in the face, and even as they were far away from where Woojin was, Seonho still hasn’t let go of Jihoon’s hand.

 

+

 

Jihoon has been inside of Seonho’s small apartment room many times before, but never has slept over. It felt weird wearing Seonho’s clothes and lying in the same bed as him, but then again it felt right. They knew a lot about each other and Jihoon was close to telling Seonho his biggest secret, but then again maybe if he told him he’d think he was a freak.

And then Jihoon would have no one, again.

“Hyung?”

Jihoon heard Seonho’s voice, he sounded nervous. He could feel Seonho shift underneath the sheets, so Jihoon turned to face him too.

“Yes?”

The only light in the room was the moonlight shining through the window, so he could still make out some of Seonho’s features. 

“Could you hold me?” he whispered.  
Jihoon being Jihoon didn’t think much into it, knowing the younger always loved physical affection from others, and he was always clinging to Jihoon in some way. Whether he was playing with Jihoon’s fingers or petting his hair. He was always touching him somehow.

Instead of speaking Jihoon simply pulled Seonho to his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. While the younger boy fell asleep, Jihoon was still wide awake thinking about random inconsequential things. 

+

Jihoon hated being here, this room was so fake. Like it was decorated to be homely but it doesn’t feel like it at all. He was sat on a brown leather couch, His therapist asked a question.  
“Have you been cutting yourself recently?”

Jihoon hesitated, unable to speak for a few moments wondering if he should lie or not. For a couple of months all he’s done is lie to his therapist, he realized that even if he told her the truth she couldn’t do anything to help him. Has she even helped him in anyway when he was actually trying to get better? None of it mattered, he was empty.

“No, I haven’t” he finally spoke up, his therapist, Dr. Yang, asked once more

“A little bit of cutting?”  
Jihoon answered right away this time,

“No.”

 

Jihoon sighed as he left, he should just quit going. He pulled out his phone and pulled up Seonho’s contact to text and see if he wanted to get coffee, but then remembered he was busy with his vocal lessons today. 

Jihoon felt his head slam into someone’s chest and he accidentally dropped his phone down on the ground, Jeez what’s up with him and running into people anyway?

He gasped, first picking up his phone and checking to see if it was ok. Thankfully it was.

“Woah princess, watch where you’re going.”

Jihoon looked up, getting ready to tell this guy off for calling him ‘princess’, but before he could speak the other boy spoke again.

“Oh hey you’re actually cute.” The tall boy laughed and began to walk away.

Jihoon grabbed the boy’s arm, stopping him.

“Are you kidding me? You freaking jerk it’s not my fault I ran into you, look where YOU’RE going, and don’t call me princess you pervert!” Jihoon tried to look intimidating but probably failed, fuck he looked like a kid probably.

“Woah there, I can sue you for that.” The boy joked

Jihoon was extremely pissed, didn’t this kid have any manners? Jihoon looked at the boy again, he was smiling down at him with a gummy smile. But it wasn’t even a nice smile it was like, ‘i’m having fun making fun of you.’ kind of smile, Jihoon thought to himself.

“Are you going to let go of my hand yet, or do you think i’m so cute that you wanna keep holding it?” 

Jihoon felt his face flush with embarrassment, he let go of the stranger's hand and quickly walked away. 

“What a fucking jerk, he really had the nerve not to apologize. People these days.” Jihoon muttered under his breath. Jihoon dialed Seonho’s number and as soon as he picked up he started ranting

“You won’t believe the asshole I just fucking met today! He ran into me, or- well a-actually I ran into to him but, HE DIDN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE ANd then he had the nerve to HIT ON ME? I mean what kind of pervert does that? I mean then he smiled at me like a creep? He had a cute gummy smile, and then he made fun of me like, what an ass!”

Seonho laughed and Jihoon got mad at him, “WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?”

“You said that he was cute.”

“What? No I didn’t, Seonho shut up this guy was an actual devil.”

“Ok, ok, well I’ve got to go, I’m about to meet up with Guanlin at a coffee shop. Want to join?”

“Who the fuck is Guanlin, and sure.”

“Did you just say yes even though you don’t know who he is?”

“Duh.”

“Guanlin’s my other best friend remember?”

“Right, text me the address i’ll be there as soon as possible, bye”


	2. unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey if you wanna comment and give me feedback thatd be great, im just starting to write again so this kinda sucks but im gonna get better as i continue to get in the hang of writing again   
> ily

As soon as Jihoon walked through the door of this small but cute looking cafe he saw Seonho sitting by himself, Seonho made eye contact with him and smiled. Waving at him profusely. “What a weirdo.” Jihoon whispered as he walked over to the small wooden booth, and sat down next to Seonho. 

“So where’s this Guanlin dude at?” Jihoon asked, while seonho was sliding him a drink. Seonho knew everything that Jihoon liked, so he probably already ordered his unsweetened green tea. 

“He’s in the bathroom he’ll be out any second now-  
-There he is.” Seonho pointed over in the direction of the restrooms, and Jihoon couldn’t believe his eyes. It was that fucking asshole perv who bumped into him.

“Is he behind that tall kid?” Jihoon really hoped so.

“No silly, he is that tall kid.” 

Jihoon felt his stomach flip, this was bound to be extremely embarrassing. Jihoon tried looking down and sipping on his drink to hide who he was, Guanlin sat down across from them and didn’t speak. It was dead silent and Jihoon could feel the stares coming from them both. He looked up into Seonho’s eyes, begging him to speak. 

“Wait, I know you” He heard the bo- Guanlin speak.

“How did you two already meet?” Seonho questioned, glancing back and forth between the two.

“It’s really not impor-” Jihoon began, but was cut off by Guanlin speaking over him,

“This kid bumped into me earlier and then called me a pervert.” Guanlin said, smirking at Jihoon.

Jihoon wanted to smack him who gave him the right to call him a kid? And not even explain how it was his fault for being such a creep. AND NOW HE WAS SMIRKING AT HIM? 

“Oh Jihoon, is this the person you called me to talk about? You know I could’ve still been in the middle of my vocal lessons when you called.” Seonho slapped Jihoon’s shoulder lightly

Guanlin raised his eyebrows, “So you two know each other? And what did Jihoon say about me on the phone exactly?” 

“Oh he called you a pervy asshole, but also said that you were kinda cu-”  
Jihoon slapped his hand in front of Seonho’s stupid mouth. 

“I said you were kinda stupid, by that I meant REALLY.” Jihoon said through his teeth.   
Jihoon let go of Seonho’s mouth, 

“Sorry Guanlin he usually isn’t this grumpy, he probably didn’t sleep well last night because of me.” Seonho looked away from Jihoon’s gaze

“Shut up you brat I slept fine.” Jihoon scoffed. 

Jihoon glanced over at Guanlin, and he had to admit that he looked a lot cuter than before. But it’s not like he would ever admit that.

Guanlin raised an eyebrow at them, “Are you two fucking or something?”

Seonho’s face went as red as a tomato, Jihoon smirked and replied

“Why do you wanna know? You jealous or something?” 

Guanlin’s eyes locked on Jihoon’s, he bit his lip 

“No, but I bet you’d love it if I were, wouldn’t you?”

Jihoon wondered how Seonho and Guanlin were friends, Seonho was so nice and this kid was just… ugh.

Jihoon leaned back into the booth and sipped on his tea, glaring at the younger kid. 

 

+

Guanlin had left early, saying that he had to stop at the school to go over some paperwork about transferring in, so that just left Seonho and Jihoon to themselves.

They walked down the street, the sun setting and the streetlamps lighting up.

“I don’t get how you can be friends with somebody so rude.” Jihoon scoffed.

“He’s not rude, that’s just how he is to people he first meets.” Seonho giggled

“Well was he like that to you?” Jihoon glanced over at the younger boy

“Of course not, he was always nice to me.” 

 

Jihoon shot Seonho a nasty look, then laughed. As they continued walking Seonho went on to talk about how carrots were so weird because they came in so many colors.

Jihoon zoned out and couldn’t help but think about the dance routine he was working on, and how he could improve the dance and his appearance. 

Before he knew it they were at the bus stop, Jihoon looked up at the signs and his bus would be here in just a few minutes while Seonho’s would be here in about 30 minutes.

“Hey Jihoon Hyung?”

Seonho’s voice sounded different than it usually did. It was softer, quieter. 

“Hmm?” Jihoon hummed, without looking at Seonho.

“D-do you..” Seonho’s voice trailed off and he stopped talking causing Jihoon to finally glance at him. 

“Do I?” 

The sound of wheels screeching interrupted their conversation, his bus was here. 

“N-nevermind, see you on Monday hyung.” 

Jihoon didn’t think much about it, Seonho was probably just gonna ask him a stupid question about aliens or something. He shrugged as he walked into the bus, showing the driver his ticket and sitting down on a seat near the window.

He heard his phone buzz and glance down

 

Unknown: 

Hey 

 

Jihoon didn’t recognize the number, so he decided to just ignore it. But heard his phone buzz again.

Unknown:

I know about your little secret

Jihoon’s eyes widened, he quickly typed back

‘Who is this’

But there was no reply.


End file.
